Utterly Meaningless » Blog Archive » Ordering Happy Children
  • Ordering Happy Children

    Filed at 2:04 pm under by dcobranchi

    This morning I read a syndicated column by a self-styled child expert—I’m not saying who, because I choose not to give this individual free publicity—who applauded a mother’s approach to dealing with her three-year-old. The mother reported that her son usually woke up in the morning feeling “grumpy” and generally unhappy. After several attempts to cheer the kid up, the mother finally told her son that, from now on, his list of chores included “waking up happy.” According to the columnist, this simple command worked like a charm, and now the child wakes up happy every morning. The columnist said the lesson was that parents needed to exercise authority over their child’s emotions in order to avoid chaos.

    (Incidentally, do most parents have a chore list for their three-year-olds? I’m actually curious to know if that’s a common practice.)

    Assuming this story is true—and I don’t trust this particular columnist not to make this story up—the question becomes, why did it work? Was the child suddenly happy and free of whatever anxiety led him to be grumpy in the first place? Or did he receive the message that, “mommy won’t love you if you’re not happy,” and he changed his outward behavior out of fear. Neither the columnist nor the mother seemed interested in understanding the source of the child’s emotions. Instead, the columnist said the mother must emphasize her total authority over the child’s feelings, lest he become an out-of-control monster.

    The columnist said the mother’s timely action would likely prevent her son from having to see a child therapist. I suspect, however, that someday that child will seek an adult therapist.

    9 Responses to “Ordering Happy Children”


    Comment by
    Laura
    August 29th, 2004
    at 9:48 pm

    Ha ha! I guessed who the columnist was, did a search on his last name and “grumpy”, and I was right!

    He’s pretty harsh sometimes, although he mellowed a lot after his grandkids came along.

    I think the idea of putting “wake up happy” on a chore list is pretty bizarre. I will say, however, that a child can get into a habit of behaving in an unpleasant manner when it’s not necessary, whining or whatever, and it’s the parents’ job to help him break that habit. This doesn’t have anything to do with controlling feelings. I agree that’s a bit much.


    Comment by
    Andrea
    August 30th, 2004
    at 12:04 am

    Chore list for three year olds: no. Not even really for my five year old although sometimes I ask her to set the table or round up laundry, etc. There is no set list.

    LOL at wake up happy though. I am not a morning person. Don’t even look at me before I’ve had my coffee. My daughter is not a morning person either and I’m OK with that. Now if only my son would quit waking up so bubbly and cheerful. He makes us want to hurl our Cheerios.


    Comment by
    Andrea
    August 30th, 2004
    at 12:05 am

    BTW, what does this blog suddenly have against hyphens? I like to never figured out what my “questionable” content was.


    Comment by
    Bronson
    August 30th, 2004
    at 9:02 am

    Chores for 3 year olds?

    Absolutely!

    I had em’ go out and milk the cows, get the eggs from the hen house, churn the butter, and fix breakfast.

    I think they might not have complained as much if we lived on a farm and had livestock.

    Seriously, though, I think it’s not an extrordinary idea to have tasks that you teach young children (even 3 years old) to do. Putting their toys away, putting their dirty clothes in the hamper, filling the pet’s food bowl, etc. Having tasks for a young child to do can be a tool to help teach responsibility and, if it’s a necessary but simple task, can give the child a sense of accomplishment. It’s also a way to teach young kids that everybody in the family is part of the family.

    Now, if I can just get my 5 year old to finish repaving the driveway today so she can start on refinishing the hardwood floors…


    Comment by
    Bronson
    August 30th, 2004
    at 9:08 am

    Hyphens…

    I didn’t realize how fowl my text was. I’ve been using hyphens for so long that I had just forgotten how some people are sensitive to them. I guess I wouldn’t want my kids to stumble across a hyphen laden posting or article on some place that I thought was safe for them. Thank goodness for your “ePuritan Comment Filter” software!


    Comment by
    Skip Oliva
    August 30th, 2004
    at 9:52 am

    Sorry, folks, I’m just the guest host. I have no clue why the hyphens and other words are being filtered.


    Comment by
    Jema
    August 30th, 2004
    at 11:57 am

    I usually use an email address with a hyphen, it won’t even accept that!!! I’ve seen comments on several other blogs, it must be a change in this comments host. Anyway, here’s my comment now that I figured out the problem:

    Skip, I have to agree with you on this one (surprise, surprise!). A parent must address the heart of the issue (or the child), not just the behavior. That seems just silly, “wake up happy”. It ranks right up there with “Just Say No”. I sure would like to know who the columnist is!!!


    Comment by
    Sam
    August 31st, 2004
    at 11:12 pm

    My mum had my sister and I doing chores before three – cleaning up our rooms (I always did, Julie refused), and doing the washing up (children love doing the washing up until they reach about the age of 5, as long as they can make a mess with the water). My brothers never had so much of these chores because mum worked a lot more when they were little and our nannies usually thought is was bad for them. And so neither of them are any good at doing any chores.


    Comment by
    Sam
    August 31st, 2004
    at 11:14 pm

    I forgot to say that telling your kid to wake up happy is weird – and if my mum had done it to any of us she would have had a riot on her hands!