FAN MAIL
This was waiting for me when I got home at 3 this a.m. The handwriting is a bit difficult to decipher, but I believe the first sentence reads “You and that young woman are will [sic] spend eternity in the Lake of Fire.” As I’m not having an affair with any woman, regardless of age, I was stumped as to what this was referring. Lydia pointed out that it has a local return address. Eureka! Must be the LttE. Mr. James Lancaster (a Warrior of Jesus Christ) went on for three Wite-out splattered pages. I’ll spare your eyes the rest, but suffice it to say that it didn’t get any better.
Cranks of the world, unite!
UPDATE: More stuff that was in the envelope. It’s mostly anti-Catholic rants. I guess he figured with a last name like Cobranchi, I must be a follower of the anti-Christ.
Here, here, here, here, and here.
UPDATE: The absolute best bit (all errors in the original):
Readers of this tract are invited to be converted to the true Christ of the Bible. Then unite with a Christ-centered, Bible-teaching missionary-minded Evangelical, evangelistic, separated, Fundamental, Protestant, New Testament Christian church in your community.
Lydia thought the sign out front of that church must be billboard-sized.
10 Responses to “FAN MAIL”
 Comment by Cindy B. June 24th, 2006 at 8:58 am |
Holy cow! A good old-fashioned crackpot, eh? His handwriting is extremely difficult to read, it looks like he keeps repeating “Barbie” over and over. Was she in the Old or the New Testament? |
 Comment by Daryl Cobranchi June 24th, 2006 at 9:08 am |
I think it’s “babies.” But it could be “Barbarossa” for all I know. |
 Comment by COD June 24th, 2006 at 9:57 am |
Was there anything vaguely resembling a threat in the letter? (besides the you’re going to burn in hell bit). If so, I might file a police report, just in case he is whacked out enough to start stalking you, etc. |
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Comment by COD June 24th, 2006 at 12:16 pm |
No anti-Noodle rants? I demand equal hate for Pastafanarians! |
 Comment by Audrey June 24th, 2006 at 1:02 pm |
Yeah, it’s kind of funny, but in all seriousness, I agree with Chris. You should consider informing the police. This may not contain direct threats, but JUST IN CASE something else happens, it would be in your favour to have reports filed for any previous incidences. Sorry that happened to you. Some people are just nut jobs. |
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Comment by Daryl Cobranchi June 24th, 2006 at 1:26 pm |
Well, if the blog suddenly goes “dark,” a person-of-interest should be Mr. James Lancaster, 601 Roxie Ave., Fayetteville, NC 28304. 🙂 I’m not worried. |
 Comment by carolyn smith June 24th, 2006 at 4:18 pm |
Sounds like someone is off his medication. You should let someone know, maybe the pastor of his church if he lists it. Or you could use his criteria to narrow down churches to find it-surely there might be one that fits his rather narrow parameters! — |
 Comment by speedwell June 24th, 2006 at 6:30 pm |
Looks like “Rabies” to me, which would explain much. |
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Comment by Daryl Cobranchi June 24th, 2006 at 6:36 pm |
Or you could use his criteria to narrow down churches to find it-surely there might be one that fits his rather narrow parameters! In Fayetteville? I’d be calling pastors for weeks. |
 Comment by Jason June 24th, 2006 at 8:58 pm |
What the heck prompted this psycho to write you? I must be missing something. |