Utterly Meaningless » Blog Archive » TOM HANKS WAS AN HEK?

TOM HANKS WAS AN HEK?

Filed at 4:48 am under by dcobranchi

Via Valerie Moon, we have an example of… Hell, I don’t know how to even describe it. Just read the lede:

Home schooled children often face the same kinds of challenges as their public school counterparts, particularly in the form of deciding what is real and what is fictitious. One example of this is the increasing popularity of professional wrestling on television. A few statistics show the widespread exposure of home schoolers and others to professional wrestling on television, including the fact that professional wrestling on television is the #1 primetime programming for boys aged 12 to 17. It has gained in popularity over the last two decades to the point where a prominent cable company will be coming out with a new 24 hour a day, 7 day a week professional wrestling channel. However, its popularity does not necessarily lend pro wrestling credibility and the important question to home schooled children and parents is the level of influence that professional wrestling has on home school curriculums.

Believe it or not, it gets worse. My favorite sentence:

Home schooled children who walk through the isles of toy stories will see action figures and toys that not only are aimed towards their age group, but also exhibit messages of sexism, violence, and disrespect for others.

Isles? Toy stories? Valerie thinks she could make some big bucks in freelance writing. Me? I think there’s a bigger opportunity for freelance editors.

UPDATE: Can’t type well. Laughing too hard. Another piece by the same guy.

16 Responses to “TOM HANKS WAS AN HEK?”


Comment by
Nance Confer
September 1st, 2006
at 9:16 am

associ...s.html

Product reviews mixed with politics and odd mentions of homeschooling . . .

Nance


Comment by
WhyKnot
September 1st, 2006
at 10:05 am

It’s kind of neat (not really) that you can write any schooling option in place of “home school” and it doesn’t lose coherence at all, not that it had much to start with; it reads like a mad lib.

I like the visual image of walking through the isles of toy stories, too bad it wasn’t meant to be imaginative…

The splitting headache I get from prolonged use of dry-erase markers makes me think they might not be a healthful alternative to chalkboards for everyone.


Comment by
Valerie
September 1st, 2006
at 10:25 am

You caught what I missed, Daryl. Guess I should pinch myself while reading MadLib articles so that I don’t wallow in the glee over the (unintended??) hilarity of the piece. A day later I’m still laughing when I think of it — it’s just too deliciously wierd.

Btw, WhyKnot’s calling it a Mad Lib is an excellent characterization of the piece — maybe we should have a contest?


Comment by
Cindy B.
September 1st, 2006
at 10:28 am

Huh..? Wha..?

I didn’t realize only homeschooled kids were allowed in the toy store isles, uh, aisles. And the wrestling shows are on at night, so why are only hs’d kids watching them? The g-school kids are too busy doing homework, or what?

What an ignorant piece of trash. I agree with WhyKnot about it looking like a mad-lib. Or like one of those weird spam-type of blogs that have just nonsense words throughout with a sprinkling of one normal word (in this case, “home school”) so they will be found on a search.


Comment by
speedwell
September 1st, 2006
at 11:04 am

ADJECTIVE NOUN often face the same kinds of PLURAL NOUN as their ADJECTIVE counterparts, particularly in the form of deciding what is ADJECTIVE and what is ADJECTIVE. One example of this is the increasing popularity of ADJECTIVE GERUND on television.

There you go :)


Comment by
Andrea R. in Missouri
September 1st, 2006
at 11:32 am

My head is spinning.

The horror of my child seeing toys that are aimed at her age group!


Comment by
Daryl Cobranchi
September 1st, 2006
at 6:29 pm

Btw, WhyKnot’s calling it a Mad Lib is an excellent characterization of the piece — maybe we should have a contest?

When I first read it, I caught the same MadLib vibe and mentally substituted “clown school.” It worked quite well.


Comment by
Daryl Cobranchi
September 1st, 2006
at 6:40 pm

Speedwell,

I’ve been meaning to ask– What the heck is your gravatar?


Comment by
speedwell
September 1st, 2006
at 8:22 pm

My guy is a pro 3D animator, and it’s one of his models. It’s not really anything but a convincing looking analogue of a painted metal and glass, um, thing, but we refer to it as the “tabletop space modulator.”


Comment by
speedwell
September 1st, 2006
at 8:34 pm

He says it’s OK to link to the full size version (looks terrifically better): flickr...77294/


Comment by
COD
September 1st, 2006
at 9:30 pm

It remnds of of the animated light you see in the short before Pixar movies.


Comment by
Daryl Cobranchi
September 1st, 2006
at 10:05 pm

So, it can only be used to blow up virtual Earths?


Comment by
speedwell
September 2nd, 2006
at 1:31 am

Virtual tabletops, anyway. What’s with the third degree? Don’t we have a right to bear arms? Especially virtual arms, since many people seem to think it’s only a virtual right? (heh)


Comment by
Daryl Cobranchi
September 2nd, 2006
at 5:46 am

Bare arms? What arms, Miss DeMilo?


Comment by
sam
September 2nd, 2006
at 1:47 pm

I fully support the constitutional right to keep and arm bears.


Comment by
Valerie
September 2nd, 2006
at 4:26 pm

Looks like the contest is in full HE&OS swing. :)

Rock on.