Utterly Meaningless » Blog Archive » ROMANCE EQUALS SEX

    Filed at 2:51 am under by dcobranchi

    An update to the track coach married student story. The school district mounts the Lamest. Defense. Ever.

    WILMINGTON, N.C. — There was no credible evidence of a romantic relationship between a 40-year-old high school science teacher and a 16-year-old student until the couple married, Brunswick County school officials say…

    The Brunswick County Board of Education released a detailed account of the school’s involvement Tuesday, saying school administrators closely monitored and limited the couple’s relationship but never found evidence of any romance.

    In November, South Brunswick High School Principal Vann Pennell directed Wuchae to cease all contact with Hager, noting that a lengthy list of phone calls and text messages with the student “did raise questions of poor judgment.”

    The school suspended Wuchae in May after finding that he had communicated with Hager at school. Both he and the teenager continued to deny a romantic relationship, the school board said…

    “Prior to the surprise marriage, there simply was no credible evidence of a romantic relationship between the teacher and student,” Katie McGee, the district’s superintendent, said in a statement.

    Hager’s parents had approached both the school and authorities in hopes of ending the relationship. The Hagers have said they reluctantly signed a consent form allowing their daughter to marry her coach.

    No credible evidence? They had a long list of phone calls and text messages. He contacted her at school. And both parents had begged the district to keep the pervert away from their daughter. But, because they didn’t catch them in bed together, it’s not their fault. Ahhh, the old Jake Blues Defense.*

    *[after a burst of gunfire from the Mystery Woman, Jake climbs to his feet, covered in mud from the tunnel floor]
    Jake: It’s good to see you, sweetheart.
    Mystery Woman: You contemptible pig! I remained celibate for you. I stood at the back of a cathedral, waiting, in celibacy, for you, with three hundred friends and relatives in attendance. My uncle hired the best Romanian caterers in the state. To obtain the seven limousines for the wedding party, my father used up his last favor with Mad Pete Trullo. So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must now kill you, and your brother.
    [Jake falls to his knees]
    Jake: Oh, please, don’t kill us. Please, please don’t kill us. You know I love you baby. I wouldn’t leave ya. It wasn’t my fault.
    Mystery Woman: You miserable slug! You think you can talk your way out of this? You betrayed me.
    Jake: No I didn’t. Honest… I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD.

    5 Responses to “ROMANCE EQUALS SEX”

    Comment by
    July 6th, 2007
    at 6:45 am

    There’s a difference between love and sex that Goopers will never understand.

    May-December never bothered me much – especially if they kept it straight until :

    *”There was no credible evidence of a romantic relationship between a 40-year-old high school science teacher and a 16-year-old student until the couple married, Brunswick County school officials say…”*

    It’s not like it’s never been done. Even waaay back in the day … The principal and my sister’s classmate stayed married until the day the man died. About 30 years or so. She never has found a love to replace his. I envy them their commitment.

    That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

    Comment by
    Daryl Cobranchi
    July 6th, 2007
    at 7:48 am

    May-December is a 40 year old woman with a 70 year old man. A 40 year old man with a 16 year old girl is just shy of statutory rape. They may well be in love. But he’s still a sick bastard.

    Comment by
    July 6th, 2007
    at 10:23 am

    I can not understand why the parents would go ahead and consent to their marriage if they wanted the relationship to end.

    Comment by
    Nance Confer
    July 6th, 2007
    at 12:33 pm

    My guess would be because she’s already knocked up.


    Comment by
    JJ Ross
    July 6th, 2007
    at 10:15 pm

    Maybe they actually didn’t — maybe the school did it “in loco parentis”