Utterly Meaningless » Blog Archive » KING OF ALL CONSPIRACY THEORIES

    Filed at 6:29 am under by dcobranchi

    From a homeschooling listserv:

    The government is trying to track every human being, see what they see, know their thoughts and emotions. All through implanted devices with names like “Soul Catcher.” Yeah, it’s utter nonsense. Just a taste:

    “When a 5-micromillimeter microchip (the diameter of a strand of hair is 50 micromillimeters) is placed into optical nerve of the eye”, Dr. Kilde indicates, “it draws neuro-impulses from the brain that embody the experiences, smells, sights, and voice of the implanted person. Once transferred and stored in a computer, these neuro-impulses can be projected back to the person’s brain via the microchip to be re-experienced. Using a RMS, a land-based computer operator can send electromagnetic messages (encoded as signals) to the nervous system, affecting the target’s performance. With RMS, healthy persons can be induced to see hallucinations and to hear voices in their heads.”

    There’s no such thing as a micromillimeter. The SI equivalent would be a nanometer. That’s literally microscopic. It’s smaller than the smallest microchip. In fact, it’s smaller than any single feature on the most advanced microprocessor ever built. Nonsense. She must mean 5 micron. A human hair is about 100 microns. So, ignoring the three orders of magnitude error, a chip that tiny would contain just a few bits of data. It certainly couldn’t do any of the functions ascribed to it above. Yeah, complete lunacy from a lunatic.

    But I hope the “Remote-Control Orgasm Implant” is real. That one sounds kind of fun. Think “When Harry Met Sally.”


    Comment by
    February 8th, 2008
    at 9:20 am

    Boy, are you behind the times! Why, EVERYBODY knows that this kind of technology is what the gov’ment used to control Timothy McVeigh to get him to bomb the fed. building in Oklahoma. They implanted the chip in his butt when he got his immunizations (those EVIL immunizations) to enter the Army. Didn’t you ever watch The X-files???

    Of course the government is counting on only those who walk around with their heads up their butts for this little gadget to work on. They’ll have to get craftier with the rest of us.

    Comment by
    February 8th, 2008
    at 11:01 am

    The orgasm machine has been invented – editio....reut/

    And why would Big Brother bother sneaking that kind of technology into the body when they can simply track your gps-enabled cellphone and vehicle??!!??

    Comment by
    Not June Cleaver
    February 8th, 2008
    at 11:22 am

    I came here to say that the “orgasm” implant reminded me of the Orgasmatron from the movie Sleeper, but I see from Emily’s comment that it has really been invented. Too funny.

    Comment by
    February 8th, 2008
    at 7:47 pm

    Have you guys seen Demolition Man where Sly is about to get lucky w/Sandra Bullock and she plops that contraction on his head? Cracks me up!

    That’s what came to my mind when I read about the ‘remote controlled O’.

    Comment by
    February 9th, 2008
    at 12:29 am

    “But I hope the “Remote-Control Orgasm Implant” is real. That one sounds kind of fun.”

    That depends on who has the remote and where you are at the time they push the button.

    Comment by
    Ginger Winchester
    February 9th, 2008
    at 11:15 am

    Yes, there is such a thing as a micromillimeter… Sorry to burst your micron bubble. A micron is one millionth of a meter. A micromillimeter is one BILLIONTH of a meter.

    Check out thefre...imeter for more.

    Noun 1. micromillimeter – a metric unit of length equal to one billionth of a meter

    ** micromillimetre, millimicron, nanometer, nanometre, nm
    metric linear unit – a linear unit of distance in metric terms

    ** A, angstrom, angstrom unit – a metric unit of length equal to one ten billionth of a meter (or 0.0001 micron); used to specify wavelengths of electromagnetic radiation

    ** micrometer, micron – a metric unit of length equal to one millionth of a meter

    Comment by
    February 9th, 2008
    at 12:31 pm

    That settles it. She read it on the Internet, therefore it must be true.

    Comment by
    Daryl Cobranchi
    February 9th, 2008
    at 12:47 pm

    Nope. The SI unit is nano, abrreviated “n.” A micromillimeter makes as such sense as a kilomilligram. And even if some people abuse the SI by using that term, she’s still wrong. A human hair is not 50 nm in diameter. It is 50 micrometers or microns (or 50 millimillimeters, if you prefer).

    Comment by
    February 10th, 2008
    at 1:14 pm

    so, is a yard a trifeetfoot?