Utterly Meaningless » Blog Archive » LETTER OF THE DAY: SNARK IN VA

    Filed at 6:32 am under by dcobranchi

    I think this is Chris O’Donnell’s hometown paper:

    When my wife and I mention to our well-intentioned friends that we are strongly considering home-schooling our children, we are without fail asked, “But what about socialization?”

    Fortunately, we found a proven method by which our kids can receive the same socialization that public schools provide.

    On Mondays and Wednesdays, I will personally corner my son in the bathroom, give him a wedgie, and take his lunch money.

    On Tuesdays and Thursdays, my wife will make sure to tease our children for not being in the “in” crowd, taking special care to poke fun of any physical abnormalities.

    Fridays will be “Fad and Peer Pressure Day,” in which we will all compete to see who has the coolest toys, the most expensive clothes, and the loudest, fastest, and most dangerous car–all while dyeing our hair the same color and ripping our jeans.

    However, every day, my wife and I will adhere to a routine of cursing and swearing in the hallways and mentioning our weekend exploits with alcohol and immorality.

    If our kids attempt to use the bathroom without permission, we will punish them immediately; and we have asked them to hold us to a similar standard by reporting us to the authorities in the event we mention God or try to bring up morals and values.

    And just think–all these benefits without a dime of taxpayers’ money!

    Alan Brymer


    One Response to “LETTER OF THE DAY: SNARK IN VA”

    Comment by
    September 2nd, 2005
    at 7:59 am

    Yep – that would be my local fish wrapper.